(no subject)

[lastgunslinger]

Roland was reading The Lord of the Rings, and he got bogged down in Book IV. He's done too much walking himself -- Frodo and Sam's problems along the way to Mordor aren't anything new or interesting. His eyelids were getting heavy.

So now Roland is taking a nap.

Comments

[sai_delgado]

"Thee never did say why thee would see me kept apart, Roland."

Susan looks up at him.

"But I think mayhap I know."

[lastgunslinger]

He waits.

[sai_delgado]

Alain had said it, she's spent hours thinking on it, and Susan believes it might be, must be true. For it makes a certain amount of sense --

(charyou tree)

-- that he'd keep her apart now where he had not before.

"Is it that thee'd wish to protect me, mayhap?"

[lastgunslinger]

Roland looks at her a long moment. A very long moment.

He nods.

[sai_delgado]

There is no easy way to say it, but it must be said. Indeed, Susan thinks, she should have said it long before, and what does it say of her that she did not think to tell him?

"It were not yer fault that I died, Roland."

[lastgunslinger]

"'Twas ka."

He's still looking at her. His expression still hasn't changed.

"And yet I still failed. I told you I chose the Tower. I'd not have seen you die. And I'd not see you come to harm now for the Tower. Not if I have any choice in the matter."

He keeps the Mejis patois out of his speech. No place for it, now. No need for it.

Think first, fight afterwards, the soldier's art:
One taste of the old time sets all to rights.

His voice is quiet and free of any strong emotion.

[sai_delgado]

"Aye, ye say true. Ka like a wind -- 'twas ka that brought us together, and tore us apart again on Reap-Night."

A shallow breath, as she watches him.

"And 'twere ka that brought me here instead of the clearing, I'd think."

[lastgunslinger]

Roland nods. "You say true."

Ka is a heartless bitch.

[sai_delgado]

Aye, that it is, say true.

"What choices do we have then, Roland, say true, but in how--"

(how we treat one another)

"--how we face it? For it'll mind itself, do'ee ken, whatever we'd choose or no."

She takes a careful breath, and says, "Mayhap I were wrong to press thee so. I only wished to help thee, but mayhap I were wrong. Say sorry, I do."

[lastgunslinger]

"Say not so, Susan. You weren't wrong." Quiet. "'Twas I."

If he can't admit he's wrong to Susan, he can't admit he's wrong to anyone.

[sai_delgado]

She's quiet for a moment, and then gives a small laugh. "Aye, well, and it's not the first time that thee and I have been at odds, say true."

(love o love o careless love can't you see what careless love has done)

Fog-gray eyes meet faded blue ones, and Susan smiles wryly.

[lastgunslinger]

"No." He shakes his head, and is silent.

[sai_delgado]

Her smile fades, and Susan stares down at her hands, linked together in her lap.

A minute goes by, then another, and finally she speaks.

"I'd never have wished pain on thee, Roland, but I'm not sorry that I'm here."

[lastgunslinger]

And he looks on her, and does not smile.

"Nor am I, Sue."

Silence for a moment.

He feels old.

"Can we not be friends? Tet-mates, as we once were?"

The unspoken words: and nothing more.

[sai_delgado]

Unspoken but mayhap not unknown, for he's made it clear enough before, and so the weight of it hangs in the room between them.

"Aye."

She looks up at him again, and says very simply,

"I'd like to be, Roland. I'd feared thee lost, before."

Not believed -- she'd refused to believe it, but even so the fear had haunted her.

[lastgunslinger]

"When I was -- out, you mean?"

[sai_delgado]

Slowly, she nods.

"Aye, that."

[lastgunslinger]

Roland is silent.

"Joe did the cutting, in the end."

He doesn't know why he says it. Only that he feels the urge to.

[sai_delgado]

Susan frowns in confusion.

"Sai Joe did... he helped ye, somehow?"

[lastgunslinger]

Roland nods. "He opened the door, when others could not."

[sai_delgado]

"But how? Mayhap because of the other door ye said he went through--"

Susan stops very suddenly, biting off her words.

[lastgunslinger]

Quietly: "Say on, Sue."

[sai_delgado]

She shakes her head.

"I shouldn't, Roland. Thee had to forget, that yer mind might not be split. I've said too much already, mayhap."

[lastgunslinger]

He shakes his head. "Sue -- I remember. 'Twas only a short time ago for you, but 'twas years ago for me. But I remember. If my mind were to split, it would have happened already."

[sai_delgado]

Susan freezes, looking up at him.

"Thee-- thee remembers, Roland? Everything?"

[lastgunslinger]

He nods, expression never changing.

[sai_delgado]

Silence, while the meaning of this spins into her mind. When Susan speaks once more, her words are carefully steady.

"Then thee already knows what I'd tried, what I'd wished to tell thee before."

And had said nothing of it. Foolish girl, Susan thinks, ye should have known, somehow.

[lastgunslinger]

Roland studies her.

And shakes his head.

[sai_delgado]

Years ago, for him, distant and far -- mayhap it is only to be expected that he doesn't realize, even if it strikes a sharp pang for her now.

Quietly, Susan says, "'Go yer course in as much peace as thee may find,' I told thee, and for thee to go with my love. I knew -- ye'd told me here of yer choice -- that thee would leave for the Tower then. And I know that thee will again."

"I won't stop thee, nor stay thee; I won't interfere, Roland, say true."

[lastgunslinger]

She couldn't stop him. Not then. Not now. But it would be an unkindness to say so.

"You were ever kinder than I deserved, Sue." Quietly.

[sai_delgado]

She smiles at him then, does Susan Delgado, and if it is not bright then at least it is sincere and true-felt.

"Nay, Roland. Say not so."

[lastgunslinger]

Roland just raises an eyebrow.

Nap or no, it's rare when he doesn't feel tired, these days.

[sai_delgado]

In the silence and amid the strange stillness that fills her, Susan rises and curtseys to Roland once more, saying,

"I'd not trouble thee overlong, Roland -- we've said what were needed, mayhap."

[lastgunslinger]

Roland nods, and rises as well. "We have, Sue. It is well."

The courtesy done him by her bothers him, somehow -- but he can't blame her.

[sai_delgado]

Is it well? She can't be certain, but she can hope. And so she looks up at him and says, "... I'm glad of that, then, say true."

Susan moves to the door and pauses there, looking back at him.

(go yer course in as much peace as thee may find - and go with my love)

"Goodeven, Roland. I'll see thee again soon, mayhap."

[lastgunslinger]

"You will. Long days and pleasant nights."

Looking after her, now, that same expression still on his face.