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Feb. 2nd, 2005 04:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lastgunslingerDawn:
Roland has sent Eddie and Susannah to bed. He thinks he might have managed to hide his disquiet from them -- or perhaps only his deeper disquiet; he hopes dearly that they will chalk up his unusual (even for him) reticence to worry for Jake and about Walter.
He is not ready to speak of his dream, even though Eddie and Susannah (and Jake) know what there is to know.
For a moment Roland stands at the bedside, looking down at Jake with love -- and fear. If Nyarlathotep interferes with Jake...could it tip the balance towards Walter?
Roland looks back over his shoulder at the chair he normally sits in, then looks down at Jake again. He consults some internal barometer...and then sits on the edge of the bed. He rests one hand on Jake's head, brushes back Jake's hair. With his other hand he opens Gone To Texas and tries to read, sitting there next to Jake...but he can't concentrate. And so he takes in Jake's pale face, watches the shallow rise and fall of his chest, memorizes every precious detail. From the foot of the bed, Oy rises and then resettles himself in between Jake and Roland, head resting on his two front paws.
He is all the son I have, thinks Roland, and all the son I need.
Roland knows that there is little point of thinking of what might have been -- but it is only here and now, with Jake, that he can begin the process of throwing off the shadow of his waking nightmare. There is no use in living in the past; he has a ka-tet, a family, whom he dearly loves. What is done is done.
Later this morning he will begin to think about Joe, and the bounty hunter's dreams -- but for now he is content to sit with Jake, and not think about anything.
He opens Gone To Texas again and slowly, painstakingly, begins to read aloud.
Roland has sent Eddie and Susannah to bed. He thinks he might have managed to hide his disquiet from them -- or perhaps only his deeper disquiet; he hopes dearly that they will chalk up his unusual (even for him) reticence to worry for Jake and about Walter.
He is not ready to speak of his dream, even though Eddie and Susannah (and Jake) know what there is to know.
For a moment Roland stands at the bedside, looking down at Jake with love -- and fear. If Nyarlathotep interferes with Jake...could it tip the balance towards Walter?
Roland looks back over his shoulder at the chair he normally sits in, then looks down at Jake again. He consults some internal barometer...and then sits on the edge of the bed. He rests one hand on Jake's head, brushes back Jake's hair. With his other hand he opens Gone To Texas and tries to read, sitting there next to Jake...but he can't concentrate. And so he takes in Jake's pale face, watches the shallow rise and fall of his chest, memorizes every precious detail. From the foot of the bed, Oy rises and then resettles himself in between Jake and Roland, head resting on his two front paws.
He is all the son I have, thinks Roland, and all the son I need.
Roland knows that there is little point of thinking of what might have been -- but it is only here and now, with Jake, that he can begin the process of throwing off the shadow of his waking nightmare. There is no use in living in the past; he has a ka-tet, a family, whom he dearly loves. What is done is done.
Later this morning he will begin to think about Joe, and the bounty hunter's dreams -- but for now he is content to sit with Jake, and not think about anything.
He opens Gone To Texas again and slowly, painstakingly, begins to read aloud.
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:16 pm (UTC)Not everything is the same as it was between them. He can sense that, even though he's still unsure as to what's changed, and what hasn't.
So he knocks...and waits.
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:21 pm (UTC)"Come in."
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:32 pm (UTC)Someone who didn't know Roland that well might think he doesn't look any grimmer than usual. But Bert can still read those features, even changed as they are.
He finally speaks, quietly and without preamble. "I spoke with Lady Moiraine not too long ago."
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:32 pm (UTC)Cuthbert knows. He has to know.
Doesn't mean Roland has to bring it up, though.
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:41 pm (UTC)"I have to say, I thought if either of us was likely to piss off a powerful and malignant god-thing, it'd be me, doing something idiotic."
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:44 pm (UTC)"It wasn't you."
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:49 pm (UTC)"Look, I won't try and make you talk about it if you really don't want to...but I think maybe you need to. And I really doubt letting it out's going to hurt any more than keeping it in."
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:52 pm (UTC)"Not yet."
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Date: 2005-02-02 01:58 pm (UTC)He looks down at the floor for a minute, then back up, and over at the kid on the bed. "How's he doing? The same?"
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Date: 2005-02-02 02:01 pm (UTC)He's in an especially laconic mood today. Say sorry.
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Date: 2005-02-02 02:06 pm (UTC)Instead, he just sits in silence for a while, hoping Roland won't mind his continued presence in the room.
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Date: 2005-02-02 02:12 pm (UTC)And he sits in silence, head bowed slightly, right knee pulled up against his chest.
It is strange, being in this room with these two: the past and the present meeting, with Roland in the middle.
Quiet descends on his mind. It's a kind of peace. He'll take it.