lastgunslinger

She's not.

She is.

Because she has to be.

These sentiments are visible, flickering across her face. She looks at Roland's face, and then takes a deep and shaky breath, and focuses on the bullet gleaming in his fingers.

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And it gleams, and now it dances, and it gets ever easier to put her under, each subsequent time. It doesn't take long.

Roland nods to Ted, who puts one hand on River's arm and the other on Roland's.

Then: "You're among friends, River. You're in a safe place."

Pause. It's now or never.

"Tell me about the blue-handed men. The can-toi."

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And the rhyme's already running through his head -- say two by two, yes, and we all say hands of blue -- but this is one of the new words, can-toi, and

(have you ever seen someone with all their blood outside of them?)

having a name for the fear is better.

He's watching River.

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Her eyes have fluttered shut, and her face is slack and calm.

"Not right.

(flash of blue gloves, standard medical issue but thicker, more permanent, always there, hands always covered)

Not men. They stand and

(a corner of a classroom, and a blue-handed man in an impeccable suit, in a bodyguard's relaxed-ready stance. Face thin, faintly bug-eyed, faintly smiling without humor, faintly deeply WRONG. Students lean away, look away, mutter and whisper and cringe)

watch and they're wrong. Peel

(skinscalesskinscales melting back and forth and a red dot on the forehead -- blink and it was never there and he's looking at you with cold curiousity. Shudder and look away and hurry away, away)

off the skin and look at what's

(thin smile and cold eyes. A dark-skinned boy, hair in dreadlocks, saying "They're killers. Put it into practice. Vacuum the blood. Spots don't come out of the carpet." Blink and he's muttering nothing nonsense to the walls; blink and he's looking straight at a younger River, saying "Don't make them angry. You got any sense, you don't let them see you.")

underneath."

Pause.

Calm and matter of fact, "I don't like them." It's a curiously bald understatement.

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Equally calm and matter of fact:

"What will you do to them when you see them?"

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Pause.
pain
"I--"
knives in her temples knives in her brain slicing
The words choke in her throat.
walls shift melt meld floor lurches
Her face twists, just a little, the faint shadow of her waking distress.
pain pain pain
"Don't want to say it. Don't make me."
and the shackles burn wrists ankles flesh gone but it's still there skull open when it's not
Her voice is still calm, but there's a quiver there now.
pain pain pain pain pain

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"Nothing bad can happen to you here."

Calm. Sure.

Hard.

"What will you do to them when you see them?"

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-- and he wants to take her hand again, to put his arms around her for whatever comfort he can offer, but no interference --

He makes himself hold still, and wait for the answer she doesn't want to give.

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Silence.
forget the face
River's eyes snap open, as her face goes abruptly and utterly blank again.
kill with her heart
And then she is whirling to her feet, elbow flying for Simon's head, gunslinger-swift and the strike not pulled at all, head already turning towards the next target.
kill with her
Her face is an intent mask.

the rest is silence

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And just like that Roland is up and shoving Simon out of the way, full force, lunging around and over the table for River's arm, trying to catch her, trying not to hurt her in the process

-- can't twist her arm behind can't break it can't break anything no blows --

and gods, she's fast.

The only thing he can do is stay in front of her, keep her from Ted, keep her from Simon.

In the back of his mind: What the fuck?

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And Simon is sent sprawling to the floor, fetching up hard against the wall shoulder-first.

He twists around and stares at his sister in horror.

"--River, NO!"

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Ted had had some idea of what was going to happen, before River went...crazy.

He could sense a block, sense River's fear, and now --

It's like a node. A button. You push the button, you get a reaction. Only -- it's not like Pushing the Red Button, because...this isn't a state to be maintained forever. And blocks can be broken through.

Ted's blue eyes widen.

From his place pressed against the back of the couch, he calls out, "Roland! Hold her still! Or part of her! As long as you can!"

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Simon might as well be shouting at the wall.

Roland might as well be a total stranger.

One elbow to his gut, hard, while the other hand dips for his gun -- he grunts in pain, but hooks her arm, yanking it away from the widowmaker. She lets her arm be captured, spins, changing the angle, and one bare foot kicks out at his bad knee while her free hand flies in a chopping strike towards his throat.

Her face twitches with effort, but no expression. Her blank eyes see nothing but target and trajectory.

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(All three. Dead in an instant. With her eyes still closed.)

Simon struggles to get to his feet, with no clear idea in his head of what he'll do when he's standing --

(...she smiled, like nothin' was wrong. Like we were playin'.)

but he can't just lie there while Roland is fighting his sister. And evidently fighting for his life.

(Scared me.)

(I don't think she'd ever hurt any of us...)

And, by all appearances, losing.

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A sharp inhalation as her foot makes contact with his knee. He staggers, nearly falls, her free hand missing his throat --

(stand, and be true)

-- and somehow, some way, Roland keeps his footing.

He still has a grip on her arm, and he tightens it, even as her other hand comes up to club him in the head, and her nails drag down the side of his face.

Over his shoulder: "Now, for your father's sake! Whatever it is!"

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Ted takes a deep breath, and leans forward to grasp River's hand, and --

(You were a gunslinger already.

[ballerina spinning and leaping, discipline and grace, hawk turned dove]

They took you.

[a stick sharpened at both ends, kill the pig, drink its blood]

They made you what I am. They made you a Breaker.

[the Study in Algul Siento, warm-panelled walls, an easy chair, a tall ceiling, a fireplace, the goodmind, the goodmind]

You're a Breaker.

[smiling face simplicity love talent begs to be used]

So break it.)

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She freezes.

Wide-eyed, arrested, head flung up and hand in a claw against Roland's cheek, utterly motionless.

(pressure pressure pushing deeper harder finding chinks cracks weakness--)

A sharp inhalation.

(and something shatters)
(Can ya say hallelujah)
(something explodes)
(Can ya say amen)
(into glittering fragments and dust)

And River stumbles, and blinks, and stares about her with utter bewilderment rapidly shading with fear.

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He catches her wrist and brings her hand away from his face, holding tightly enough so that she can't break his hold, but not tightly enough to hurt.

She could be faking, after all.

Blood wells in the scratches on his face. His gut hurts. His knee screams.

"River."

It's a question and a statement both.

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Bracing against the wall and he's on his feet, and takes a shaking step towards her, one hand extended in a gesture that's half soothing and half supplication.

"Meimei..."

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Ted squeezes her hand, and lets go.

He's smiling. Tiredly.

Soft: "Well done, sweetheart."

He looks up at Roland and Simon and says, still softly, "Shouldn't happen again. She took care of it."

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"Roland--"

She's glancing from one to another, increasingly agitated and confused.

"Simon--"

And then her glance flicks to Roland's knee, and back to his face, and dawning horror mingles with the bewilderment, and her breath comes faster and faster.

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"No."

Because Ted had been transmitting, and Roland had seen what she was seeing. Had felt the block, as Ted had.

"It's all right, River."

He lets go of her wrist, and wipes the blood from his face, wincing a little as he does.

And he sits down on the couch, now, bad leg held straight out in front of him, barely smiling as he pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head, a little.

His knee hurts like a motherfucker.

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"...River?"

He's beside her by now, reaching out to her in the old habitual gesture of comfort and worry and love.

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"Simon--"

She's scanning him, looking for injuries, even as he reaches out to her and then rests his hands lightly on her shoulders.

"No, Simon, I-- I don't--"

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"It's okay."

Hands on her shoulders, he searches her face. "Meimei, you did it. You made it stop. It's okay."

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She crumples, burying her face in his shoulder, shaking her head.

"Not okay. Don't lie to her."

Her voice is choked, high with tension and tears.

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"It's not a lie."

Roland is watching her.

"I pushed you. You reacted. And then you made it stop. It's fine."

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Gulping back a sob, she pulls away from Simon enough to stare at him.

The bewildered horror is still there, under the tears. She doesn't think it's fine.

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Roland looks back, and smiles.
boxing is an unnatural act
And nods.

From:

She's still staring at him.

And then she pulls away from Simon more fully, and drops into a huddle on the couch next to Roland, carefully avoiding his injuries, and rests her head against his shoulder, and keeps crying.

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His face darkens, then, and he puts his arms around her.

"No need for tears. Part of everyone's training -- lashing out so. Eddie and Susannah both did it, and I forced them into it. Just like this. No lasting harm done then, and none done now." Smoothing her hair away from her face. "It's fine, and you're fine. And it won't happen again. You saw to that. You did well, my dear, and I'm proud of you. Say true."

More than breaking through the block.

To see how she moved...a gunslinger at her best. It's what she's capable of. And it does Roland's heart good to see it, even now.

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Simon hasn't moved since River pulled away from him.
If her daddy ever saw her fly
Roland can help her, clearly. Roland's the one she needs right now.
If her daddy ever saw her fly
It shouldn't hurt like this
Wouldn't he be proud of her?
(don't be absurd)
Oh, wouldn't he, wouldn't he be proud?
that River's gone to Roland for comfort.

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Ted maybe has a little knowledge about Roland that Simon doesn't.

When Roland leaves -- and he will leave Milliways, has to, otherwise Calla Bryn Sturgis wouldn't be standing as it was when Ted left this afternoon -- when Roland leaves, Simon will still be there.

He watches Simon, and compassion is in his eyes -- and Ted stands, and moves next to Simon, ostensibly to give River and Roland space...but he says quietly in Simon's ear, "At the end of it, she's your sister. She hasn't forgotten that, and she won't."

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Simon throws Ted a quick look.

But says nothing.

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And River gradually calms, and the tears cease...but she's still distressed, still quiet.

Roland releases her, and looks up at Simon and Ted, and says quietly, "Either of you hurt?"

Ted shakes his head.

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Simon shakes his head likewise.

His eyes sharpen somewhat. "You're injured."

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Roland nods. "I'll ask Moiraine to take care of it."

Because nobody needs to ask Roland what happened to him. Another secret to be kept quiet. And Moiraine is discreet.

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"Good." He's seen Moiraine work, and even though he doesn't understand her methods, his mind automatically classifies her as a doctor.

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